I have recently had both a PET and a CT scan and have to see the consultant this Tuesday the 30th. This is the day after my birthday and good results would be a very nice present I fear the worst.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a born worrier but this time I really feel that things are going to be bad. Last year I was told twice that I only had months rather than years to live. Was also told that last Christmas would be my last and that I would never see my daughter go to medical school and I have proved both those predictions wrong, my daughter started at Hull Medical School in September.
The date of 30th November is also significant in that I returned to work on 1st December last year even though I was told by the medics to take my pension and have a good time. Glad I didn't take there advice on that one!
If I do need further treatment it may include stem cell treatment which involves a stay of 3 months in hospital and in all honesty I do not think I could tolerate this especially as the success rate is only 30%. May be I should just let nature take its course, I am so worried I do not know what I will do. Hopefully it is going to be good news but my mind is certain that it wont be. As you can imagine this along with a lot of tension at home is causing many sleepless nights.
I have also updated my will which includes my funeral arrangements which is also playing on my mind. In a similar context we were discussing funerals at work the other day (another friend has passed to the great railway station in the sky) and the conversation turned to epitaphs and I said I only wanted two words-'He cared'.
On the subject of caring I would like to say a very special thanks to one of my fellow bloggers who is a tower of strength to me. All I will say is that I want her to find that special happiness that seems to elude me.